Is it the death of a dream?

I've shared rather publicly (I think) about my business adventure, and my struggle with it. It was almost a year ago (shy a few months) that I really felt like I was supposed to start this on-line scrapbook shop. Man, I jumped hurdles and went through hoops to get this started. Then life happened. Fast forward to the last two months, and I've been really struggling. Feeling guilty over not putting in the time and effort that any business needs to actually function. This led to me nearly feeling bad for taking care of my family. Thank the good Lord above, it never got quite that bad.

So, with the husband gone once again, I made it my goal to get the business straightened out, and up and running, it all started with prayer. A prayer that God would make the path He wants for me obvious to me. The beginning of this week was when I started to see it coming in the distance. Anything that could go wrong did. Things that I never even thought of came out of the woodwork. And today was the clincher.

I watched as my daughter took off her sneaker and poured sand onto the living room carpet. I could not believe what she was doing! She watched the little granules pour out of her shoe, much like one would poor water from a measuring cup, she watched them fall to the floor. "What are you doing!?!?!?" Was my immediate reaction. "You do that outside! Don't you know? I mean, it's obvious!!"

"It's obvious!", is what I heard from my Lord. Now's not the time. He's given me four beautiful kids (though not always the brightest) to nurture, and love, and constantly point them to Him. He's given me a husband to love, come along side of, and comfort. He's given me a fabulous church body to grow in, to serve, to learn with. He's given me other family and friends, to encourage, comfort and love. And he's given me a host of acquaintances that I need to put more time and effort into getting to know. For the slight chance that they'll notice His light within me, and I'll have the opportunity to point them to Him. He has given me people, people all around me. That's what I'm supposed to be doing. That is my role.

So while I am really truly having to fight off the enemy and his whispers of "See! You failed, AGAIN!" "Boy, weren't you dumb to think you could do something like that." I'm okay with it. Cause what on this earth is worth holding onto? I mean really, what is worth more than my Lord? He loves me, he has plans for me, things that I could never imagine. So I shall give this up to Him, because he asks me. I will continue to put my time and energy to work at serving Him. I do think my hobby of making cards is great for that. Through those things I can brighten other people's days. So I'm not giving that up, but the business part, I've got to let it go.

Tomorrow will be a challenge for me. I'm meeting with Johnathan's teachers after school. The boy has been having major behavior problems at school. I've been assessing it from all possible angles and I have a few ideas of what could be causing it. I'm just praying that God would give both his teachers, and myself the wisdom to see what is best for this little boy.

Just sharing...

Uh-oh. Looks like I'm becoming a once a week blogger! Well, it happens to the best of us from time to time. The Lord's been working on me and I've realized I have to prioritize things in my life. With four kids, a hubby, children's ministry, crazy dog, and household duties... it just goes on and on. But you know, God is good... and as long as I continue to seek after His will, things will be all right.

I've been struggling a lot lately on my scrapbook business I'm trying to get off the ground. Okay, ex that... wanting to get off the ground, cause let's face it, I haven't spent much time on it at all. I've been feeling so much guilt over that. I don't want to give it up, because it is something I love so much, not to mention I am notorious for starting ventures and not seeing them through. But with prayer and Godly friends, I've finally come to a decision.

Our woman's group at church is doing a study about true freedom in Christ. Previously when I'd hear the word "captive" I'd think something big. Like a childhood trauma that you can't seem to shake, or drug use, or alcohol, something like that. But I've come to understand that anything in your life that does not allow you to live in the fullest riches of Christ, a Spirit filled life is a sort of captor. For me... that's my busy schedule.

Let's take yesterday for example. (Warning, I know this is already a boring post, but it's about to get worse!) Hubby's alarm went off at 4am, and I struggled to get back to sleep. Finally got up just before 7am. Get the kids off to school and return home for an hour to do speech exercises with my youngest. Head out the door to run some errands, pick up some silk flowers for the church, go to library story time with my daughter, head out to base to have lunch with my hubby, go into walmart for a few necessities. We returned home for an hour, of which I spent making sandwiches for the evening and watched a tiny bit of the inauguration activities. Then it was promptly off to pick up my children, drive out to Wamego for Kirsten's gymnastics, do homework with the boys while we're there, get Johnathan to Takewando, let Michael eat his food. Load them all back into the van allow the rest of the kids to eat while we're on our way to Michael's basketball. Drive out to meet hubby in Manhattan where we traded vehicles and thankfully (oh so very thankfully) I was able to go to women's bible study. But in a week hubby leaves, again, for six weeks, so it's back to doing it on my own. Anyhow, I return home at 9pm. A good 13 hours after I left in the morning.

Life is just busy! Sure, not all my days are spent out of the house, but there are times when I allow that busy-ness to overwhelm me. I loose my joy, loose sight of what is truly important in life. When I reach the end of my life, will my biggest regret be not pursuing my business? No. I will be happy knowing that my children had a mother that they knew without a shadow of a doubt loved them. I don't want to be that mom that is only there to yell at and correct them when they do wrong. Likewise I want to be the wife that the husband looks forward to coming home to. My family is my most important ministry. They have to come first.

So anyhow... as to my decision. I'm giving myself the six weeks hubby is gone to get my act together. With him gone I'll have my evenings to myself (that's the theory any way) and I should be able to get it all up and running. I'm praying that if God wants this in my life, then He will go before me and smooth out the bumps. If this is not something in his will, then I want a whole lot of obstacles in the way so it will be obvious to me.

Any whoo... I'm not sure where all that came from. lol I'd just like to point you to the text below the "Simply Shenanigans"... ramblings... questionable sanity... yeah. That's my disclaimer! This week, I'm praying for my friend J... may contractions come and you have that little one! My friend Lisa... praying for God's provision and peace in your lives, and a clear vision for you to return! My friend Nona... keep her, her boys (including hubby) safe. My church kids... may they get excited about the party we're going to be throwing, and the congregation as well. And myself... may I keep first things first, and second things second!

What I've learned...

Today has been a busy day filled with ups and downs. It could so easily make a long post of details, much like a checked off "to do" list. But you know, I think at the end of this day, I must stop and reflect on why it was the way it was. What was God trying to whisper in my ear today?

How about the fact that even though you know what's best for your children, they often want to learn their lesson on their own, which means doing it the hard way. The same could be said of those of us who are God's children. He knows what's best for us, and we know He knows what's best for us. But we are determined to give our way a shot, and finding out, often times the hard way, that we really should have tried His way.

Or how about the first person to volunteer to reprimand, usually isn't the one who should be doing it. Rather it should be the one who is most hesitant to speak. Being less "gung ho" about correcting someone gives you time to pray for the correct words so you can approach the person with love, rather than self righteousness. And when you pray for God's guidance regarding the way in which you should approach someone, He will always provide, if you are the one He wants to use. If you don't hear from Him, then pray some more and keep your mouth shut!

How about the best laid out plans need to be disposable. When God wants to interrupt your daily planner, let Him!

Then there's always the fact that you never know just what an impact you have on someones life. You may not hear from a person, and you think your deeds are unnoticed, or really don't amount to beans. When truthfully you've made a huge impact on their life, and they just don't know how to tell you.

And every now and then, the things your children do that worry you the most, are the exact same things you were guilty of yourself as a kid. And you must ponder... am I lecturing them, or me when I was that age? Let's face it, our kids are "just like us" and it drives us nuts!

To those whom I take for granted, I am sorry. I pray that I will listen closer to God's tiny whisper.

Okay, so HE knows better than I do

This last few weeks have been a bit hard on me. A whole new array of problems have snuck up since the kid's entered public school. Not that the school itself is the problem, just the changing of schedules and less time with my kids has started to effect things. Previously we would get our homeschool done by afternoon, then we'd go do their extra activities and usually be at the church for something or other. Now they get home at 3:30 and they still have school work to do, not to mention everything else. When you have three different kids that all need to do something with a parent, and you're the only parent available, it can get sticky. I simply can't keep up with those responsibilities, plus being expected to be at our church. I struggled hard with the decision to cut out mid-week service from my schedule. I'm viewed as being part of the leadership, shouldn't I be there all the time? I was getting down on myself, the passing remarks by others didn't help... But God...

But God is good, and never ceases to surprise me. Today as I was driving to the church to do some paperwork, I was listening to the radio. In the sermon the pastor mentioned how one of the biggest tragedies today is that Christian parents neglect their own family, often times for the ministry. It opened my eyes, made me see all the times these last two weeks my daughter has tried to hug on me, and I'd have to give her a tiny squeeze and go on to my "work". How each of my sons are grounded because of their angry outburst. Then this afternoon my pastor calls, and through our conversation he's relieved some of my fears and feelings about the whole thing. So now my shoulders' are a little lighter. Thank you Lord!

Well, it's Monday! I admit, I have not done any prep work at all for this Music Monday, so I'm just going to list my favorite band. I grew up with rock&roll so ThirdDay is a natural fit for me. I love that their songs range from praising to God to comforting those in sorrowful times of their lives. Awesome Christian Rock Group in my opinion. :)