mia

A big ol' "Sorry!" to those who have been waiting for an e-mail from me. I don't know what's goin' on with me! Okay, so I kinda do. I just can't get myself out of it. Saturday was a busy day of working around the house. I loaded up all the left over garage sale stuff that's been in my garage for over a month into my van. Now at least I can fit a vehicle in there again. The van full of stuff now sits in the garage waiting for me to haul it down to the Salvation army tomorrow.

Yesterday was a good but awkward day. The other two families with kids in my class didn't come. So Sunday School consisted of just my four children. It was kind of weird. The pastor that teaches on Sunday night is sick with bronchitis, so he didn't make the hour plus drive to come teach Sunday night, so I didn't get fed Sunday night either. Our pastor planned a movie night, but I couldn't bring myself to drive all the way out there for a movie when I'd rather just spend downtime with my kids at home. Sunday afternoon we walked to the school and played on the playground. My youngest has been pining for a chance to play on the new equipment.

That night my heart broke. My youngest has a stuffed unicorn that she got from the hospital when I took her in for an x-ray, shortly after we moved here. It is her most favorite stuffed animal in the whole wide world. Well, I allowed her to bring it to church with her, and unfortunately she left it there. This naturally was discovered as she was climbing in bed for the night. The big brown eyes with tears swelling up in them and quivering bottom lip did me in. It didn't help that this was just after she had talked all about how she misses daddy and how he would read night-night stories to her. She was trying to be a big girl, holding back her tears as she realized unicorn was alone at church. Man, talk about heart wrenching!! I dashed into my room, and got a stuffed animal off the top of our wardrobe. It's stuffing is similar to her unicorn, her daddy won it for me at an amusement park in Germany. I offered it to her and after finding out it was from her daddy she took it. She thanked me and said it reminded her a little of her unicorn. My poor four year old! I'm headed to the church tomorrow, it'll be a happy reunion for her!

Today I pretty much wasted. I found out that abc has season 2 episodes of Kyle XY on the web to watch for free and I got hooked on it. I haven't been hooked on a TV show in a very long time. At least this way I had very limited commercials. lol I got a phone call today though that really bothered me. It's hard when there are rifts in family. It's even harder when you feel like you have to protect yourself from them. I hope my children never feel like that. But I refuse to feel guilty. I have a responsibility to protect my children from harmful people, even if that person is family, and especially since they refuse to acknowledge just how toxic they are.

Anyhow, so I admit, I've been kind of mopey lately. I'm fourteen months into a fifteen month deployment. God is so big, and so grand, he's used this experience to fix my marriage. But I'm not handling this last month as well as everyone thinks I am. I'm not like hiding out in a dark room type of thing, my Lord is my strength and the house still functions. I just think I'm taking a bit too much pity time. But it's comfortable here.

Tomorrow is going to be super busy. I have Caitlin's speech class, story time, meeting with the pastor, taekwando, bible study, errands, the list goes on and on. Add on top of that a seven year old boy who is struggling through school, and I can't figure out how to help him, a nine year old daughter who can't get enough hugs and feels alone, and a ten year old son that's been acting out against those that love him most, probably because of his Dad's absence. I don't know, maybe I have a decent enough reason to waste an entire day watching sci-fi stuff on my laptop?

Getting better

I am so completely shocked with myself right now. After I got the kids off to school this morning, instead of going about my usual chores and business I climbed back in bed. That is so not like me. I stayed there for about three hours! That also is so not like me! I've never done that before, but now that I have I feel like myself again. And I think I understand why I've been slowly getting back into that funk that totally took over yesterday. I'm the type of person that needs a solid eight hours sleep. I can function well enough off of seven, but less than that and I am not at my best. Ever since we got our dog over a month ago I've been averaging five to six hours a night. I think it's been taking it's toll on me, and I just don't have the energy anymore. I really should be getting in bed earlier than I do, but I just don't want to. With hubby deployed I find myself wanting to just stay up so late that I literally pass out with the TV on. It's not healthy, but I just can't force myself to go to bed at 10pm. Stupid emotions... why do I have to let them rule?

So, I'm getting a late start to this day, but hopefully I'll get more done around here!

Last night was my kids' concert at school. It was folk songs across America. I love living in this little town! (Have I mentioned that before?) :p The music teacher mentioned at the beginning that she strives to have an important role for each and every kid, and as far as I can tell she accomplished it. There were approx. seven songs and throughout them different kids came and sang solos or with one or two other kids, or played the big bass xylophones. Michael got to keep beat during Polly Wolly Doodle, which we found out, has roots here in St. George! Kirsten sang a verse at the mic on Clementine. Unfortunately I didn't get the best of pictures. They were too far away and the lighting wasn't so great that my camera did a less than stellar job of capturing moments. But they had fun and they did a good job. I caught some of the last song on video, I wish I had caught it from the beginning. Can you tell what song it is?



During one part I zoom out and you can see near all the kids. That's all of third and fourth grade, not quite a third of the entire school. Next year, all four of my kids will invade it! Kindergarten, second, fourth and fifth grade! lol Watch out St. George Elementary!

Nada...

Nothing, nada, zilch, zero, that's how much stuff I've gotten done today. I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem to get motivated. I'm not depressed, I just have no energy and no drive to do anything. Maybe staying up past one in the morning did me in. My mom wants me to get my thyroid checked since problems with that run in the family. Maybe it's my lack of exercise lately. What ever it is, it has me in a funk. Despite having a nifty schedule that should be keeping me on task, I just want to lay on the couch. I did go to the school and eat lunch with my kids. In a few hours I'll be picking them up, dashing to Kirsten's gymnastics, grabbing some food to eat and getting back to the school. Johnathan is missing Taekwando today because Michael and Kirsten have a concert they're in at the school. They have to dress up prairie style. Michael is so nervous because he gets to play the Xylophone and he hasn't quite mastered it. Before going to school, they keep telling me "make sure you bring your camera mom"! So they're excited.

In other news... I got an e-mail from a woman that was a dear friend of mine back in highschool. Her hubby is in the Army and they're expecting to be moved to the same base my hubby is stationed at this summer. I'm excited to see her, meet her hubby and two boys. People change a lot in life, I'm not the same person I was back in highschool, but it'll be neat to catch up with her.

Hubby sent me good news via e-mail. During their deployment award ceremony Sgt. Major told him he wants hubby heading up the Tactical Airspace Integration System (TAIS) team when they return. This is huge and such a sign of God's hands at work. Thanks to a couple different people in charge at different times, hubby had pretty much been dismissed as a looser, having no future in the Army. Now he's finally being recognized for what he does. I know it'll make a welcomed change for him. Maybe now he'll be happier in his career. Before that ever happened though, he had to get right with God for that to happen. I'm just so glad to see Him work, He is a great God.

Hmm... lets see... there was something else that I can't remember right now. Guess my brain is on vacation too!

It's coming...

Today has been a frantic day. Not in the chaotic sense of the word, as I'm glad I've gotten a bit more organized with my tasks lately. But it's been busy busy busy. Tuesday morning is my youngest's speech class, so I spend near an hour bringing the kids to school, and various things. Then we head out to do errands. I had to bring my new wedding ring to the jeweler for it's six month check up. Gosh that sounds really goofy, but I have to bring it in to keep it's warranty in tact. Anyhow, they cleaned it, and wow it's shiny. Who knew it had gotten so dirty!

Anyhow, then it was off to the library for story time for my youngest. Then to hobby lobby for searching for supplies. I couldn't find anything that was a clincher, so I got one of everything and figured this way I could play around with them at home and come up with something then go get enough supplies to do all of my project. Naturally that took waaaaay too long. lol

Then off to walmart for the typical items needed all the time. I got home a good hour later than what I had planned, so there was little time before driving to the school and picking up the kids since it was pouring rain. We were home less than two hours before I headed out with my youngest two, leaving the older two at home. We had taekwando and women's bible study, I didn't get home till 9pm. This is exactly what I'm talking about when I feel like I don't get to see my kids. I got to see them a whole two hours today. It's what I don't like about public school, the kids spend more and more time away from family, it's only a matter of time before the family bond isn't so strong. This is one of the reasons I've struggled lately with all my church responsibilities. I took on half of the admin, then a couple months later the sunday school got added on, then a couple months later I got the rest of the admin added. I've been so buried down with extra activities when my kids don't have school, I'm busy with church stuff. Yes, we are to put our God first, but it goes, God, family, church. I can't be the jack of all trades, I'm practically a single mom right now, I can't sacrifice my kids for the church.

So, I prayed, and Sunday I told our pastor that I need to pass on the admin duties to someone else by the end of the month. If I had it my way, I'd be passing on the Sunday School responsibility, but God has made it obvious that wasn't what he wanted. Today I found out that someone else has stepped up to take over the admin, and I'm sooooo looking forward to it. The next two weeks are going to be laden with extra duties as I need to train the new person in all the ins and outs of the paperwork and financial aspects of it, but once it's done, I will feel like I am getting my priorities in line. Just in time for the hubby to come home. :)

Wow... lookie there, I've gone on and on. I'm not even going to go back through and spell check it... too much to do, too little time. So I'm just going to finish with, God is sooooooooooooooooooo good!

Bye bye weekend

*sigh* The weekend is over and it's back to the week. I feel so drained that I am so tempted to say adios to the schedule I made for myself. But the boys' clothes hampers are overflowing, so is the sink with dishes, so I do have to get some work done today. I'm thankful we don't have to go anywhere after school today.

Saturday was good. We tried something a little different than usual. We worked for an hour cleaning up the house, then we took an hour break. Then we worked for an hour in the garage organizing the leftovers from our garage sale so I can hopefully get rid of it easier, then took an hour break. After lunch we went outside and worked for an hour raking leaves, then... well, you get the idea. Work, break, work, break. It actually worked very well for my kids. Since their work was interrupted by play time I got less attitude from them, and it worked well. Saturday seemed really long for me.

Then yesterday a lady at church that I really felt was a friend of mine dropped a bomb on me. She picked up her son from class and told me they would not be returning. She didn't want to talk about it, but they were leaving and not coming back. My jaw sort of dropped. I wanted to ask her why, I could tell she was hurt about something, but if someone tells you they don't want to talk about it, what are you to do? I'm not a pushy person, I am more than happy to listen if someone is willing to talk, but if they don't want to talk, then I'm not going to pressure them. It was the suddenness of it that really shocked me. There had not been any hinting to dissatisfaction, in all the times we talked, even looking back with hindsight I didn't see any hints to something boiling underneath the surface. For someone to just up and leave without talking about it is hard to accept.

And not to sound selfish, but she was the pre-school teacher. So we have one week to figure out what we're going to do. It looks right now like I'll be taking both classes. Thankfully we're small enough, I can do that, but if we get a visitor with little ones, I won't be able to do that on my own. You can't effectively teach six 9-11 year olds while trying to keep a couple babies happy while they're going through separation anxiety.

Anyhow, it just really brought me to my knees in praying that God will save this church. There's so much turmoil, and it really feels like we're under attack of the evil one. He despises churches that teach the word of God, and he's apparently not very happy with us right now.

I also spent a good amount of time on the phone yesterday with family in Arizona. My (husband's) grandpa's funeral service was Saturday. It was neat to hear of the people that came to pay their respects. The man that hired him back in 1950 something was there, along with old friends he worked with, and even his hearing aid guy came. The church has really surrounded my (husband's) grandma and has been bringing her food and checking on her. She has her sister with her, along with her sister in-law. So God has been good and answered/is answering prayers to surround her with love. I got to talk to her, and she's doing good given the circumstances. The church recorded the service and we'll be getting a cop of it. One of my father in-laws friends from his church made a picture slide show to celebrate his life. And my father in-law who is a worship leader sang a song for his dad. I know that had to be a hard thing for him to do.

Wow... I've rambled and rambled. I guess I'm making up for my relative quietness lately. I need to find the will power to actually do my household chores today. Cause tomorrow I'm going shopping for supplies for baby girl announcements and I want all my work done today so I can spend time creating tomorrow!!