Deep Breath...

I am breathing a little easier this morning. I headed to the school early this morning, with my boys in tow. My poor daughter still has a 100* temp while Tylenol is in her system. She wanted to go to school (she's striving for perfect attendance), but I kept her home. I'm positive if she went in I'd be getting a call in the middle of the day telling me to come get her. So this way she rests, hopefully tomorrow she'll be better.

Anyhow, I went in to talk with Michael's teacher. Cause the way I understood the paperwork that came in the mail to me, something was wrong. I mean, first is a cover letter that says this school Psychologist received a referral request to conduct an educational evaluation of him. Then it has a couple pages of their "why he's being considered" info. Then it says

Other factors considered relevant to the action:
missed class time, social stigma

I read this as here's some more reasons why he's being considered, he's missed class time, and has a social stigma. I was getting quite upset, number one why didn't they tell me he was being considered for being seen by a psychologist! Number two, he's missed one day of school for goodness sake, and that was because we were picking up his Daddy who was coming home from a 15month deployment! And social stigma?? What the heck? Is he having problems in school socially that no one's told me about? He talks about his friends all the time!

Unfortunately I got this packet late Friday afternoon, given Monday was a holiday I had three days to sit and stew in it. So we left for school early this morning, because I was going to get some answers! I showed the papers to his home room teacher and even she was confused. She explained to me that while Michael has made great improvements, they are worried he won't be ready to move on to 5th grade. They're using all the resources they have, but think that if they had extra help, perhaps he would be ready. So they are seeking to see if he'll qualify for an IEP. This is something I do wish they had communicated with me a little better. I mean, I have an appointment next week with the Speech Teacher, so I knew they're trying to get him help, but I didn't know it was going so far. Anyhow, his teacher assured me that Michael has not been missing classes, and he has not been causing any problems.

So we headed to visit the Special Ed Teacher to see what she had to say. She explained to me, that these things (missed class time and social stigma) are things that will most likely occur if he's approved for special services. Missed class time, obviously because he'd be pulled out of class for special instruction. Social stigma, because among his peers, there very well may be kids that will make fun of him and stuff. So it's possible negatives associated with giving him special help that they need to take into consideration. That made so much more sense to me. That I can deal with. So my fears were put to rest that my son was secretly failing in school miserably. I know my son, he loves school, it just didn't jive.

So then I asked why a Psychologist has to see him, I don't understand how that relates to his academic growth, and I was told that she's the one that knows all the "legal" aspects of an IEP, has the knowledge to make sure everything is written out legally and what have you. That he's not getting psychological help so to say, just she's the one that does up the legal paperwork. So this I'm still a little iffy on. I'd LOVE to hear from others that have walked down this road before. You know, I adore his teachers. Mrs. Bell and Mrs. Adcock are two of the sweetest ladies I met. But ever since the stuff with Johnathan, I no longer trust the school district whole heartily. I guess I've been stung, it still hurts.

So anyhow, my heart is a bit lighter this morning. I noticed Johnathan's demeanor change while we were in the school though. I could see his eyes glaze over. All the life and spark that was there just a few minutes ago as I gave him a little pep talk about doing good at school was gone. There's something going on with that boy that he just plain does not want to be at the school. He was so excited to learn sitting beside me at the Kitchen table yesterday. He was asking me to teach him the math problems he didn't know how to do. He asks me to get him the next book in the series he's reading. He WANTS to learn, just not at school. I wish I could get in his little head and see what the heck was going on!

Memory Lane

When my friend Lisa was here, she told me a bit about snapfish. I had heard of that website before, I was just never so sure on if their prints were actually of good quality. Now that I heard from someone I know and trust, I thought it wouldn't be such a bad idea to use them. In the day and age of digital photos, I never print out my photos anymore. Which means lots of family and friends don't get to see them. So I thought this way, family could go to my album and print any pictures they want to actually have. And even if no one wants them in their hands, this way I have another place my pictures are kept. When we moved back stateside, my hard drive in my computer had quit and for a good week it looked like I had lost all my beloved family pictures. I was a total wreck man! Thankfully my computer savvy husband messed around with it and saved my pics. I never want to feel like that again!

So anyhow, the other night I grabbed my digital photos and thought I'd start uploading them, year by year. We got our first digital camera back in 2004! Looking back through these old pictures had me reminiscing. At the time I thought my kids were getting big already. Now, five years later, I see how little they really were. I miss them!!

So I'm warning you, some of my favorite old pictures will be making their way to my blog. It is so incredibly hard to pick just one favorite picture of my kids out of a whole year's worth, but I tried....

My favorite 2004 pic of Caitlin:

Caitlin was born in March of 2004. This is later in the year, when she had begun to try to feed herself. I just love her chubby cheeks.

My favorite 2004 pic of Johnathan:

Every now and then God blesses me with a gem like this. I am no photographer, (unlike my hubby's cousin who has talent oozing out of her ears!), but I love the expression on his face as he's gazing out the windows of our house on the third floor. I have no idea what he was looking at, but it's just a great soft picture.

My favorite 2004 pic of Kirsten:

Though this pic seems a little grainy, I love the action in it as she looks over her shoulder. It reminds me of the sweet little spirit she always had as she played carefree. Always one to show her big brother she could do anything he could, she was on the go a lot!

And finally, my favorite 2004 pic of Michael:

Even though he's holding his new little sister, he truly is the focus of this picture. His big brown eyes, and that wide little grin. You can see the goofy looking boy he's about to become, but he still has so much baby in him!

Okay... I'm like officially home sick now. Why do we allow time to go by so quickly? Life seems like it's filled with trouble after trouble, and indeed it sometimes is. This has been my reminder to slow down, don't fret the small stuff, and enjoy my kids while I have them.

And here I thought...

And here I thought I was done with homeschooling...

Let's back up. I've shared the struggles my seven year old is having in school. I was talking with my mom yesterday about it. I love my mom. She so rocks. She'll listen and talk through things with me. She used to drive a bus with special needs kids, so she knows a thing or two about how the system works. Anyway, as we were talking, she hit on an idea that just bloomed in my mind. I have to remember what the teachers are seeing. Sure, I know that Johnathan is one smart cookie. He's shown me the type of work he's capable of. He has not done that for them. Even when given the opportunity the boy has no desire what so ever to show them what he's capable of. So, we're at a lack of motivation. I've tried rewarding him, I've tried punishing him. It's all gotten old and it doesn't motivate him anymore. So... I'm going to give him work at his level after school. At first I thought this is going to be too much and it's going to backfire, but really, it's perfect.

He breezes through the school day, he isn't learning anything in reading and writing, the rest of the stuff is right at his level. So, if he has had a bad day at school where he has not tried his best, and listened and obeyed the teachers, he will come home, and mommy will have work for him to do that is challenging for him. Extreme work is the name he came up with for it. Bonus side is he will be learning something, he will be challenged. If he has a great day at school and has shown his teachers his true potential, then he doesn't have to do the extra work. So either way it works. If he's constantly doing extra work at home, I will soon have a notebook full of papers to show his teachers, and it's no longer just my word. Johnathan continues to learn and he's not left behind. If he does straighten up at school, then the teachers will see what he's capable of and he'll get moved up accordingly.

When we came up with this, I sat down with Johnathan and was very frank about it all. I was shocked to see how excited he was about it. By including him in the process he feels a bit of ownership in it, he understands it inside and out. This should be effective. I thought at first that eventually this boy is going to get sick of doing soooooo much school work. But tonight as I was giving him placement tests, the boy was having fun. I'm almost worried he'll want to do this extra work! But really, the downside of the extra work, is more strain on me. But isn't that what being a mom is all about?

So anyway, I'm hoping this will get him acting right at school. If it doesn't, I'll have more tools at my disposal when it comes time to face the school again. I just wish I hadn't gotten rid of ALL my homeschool stuff. I only kept the kindergarten stuff thinking I might use it with Caitlin. *shrug* So I pay $20 to $30 on school books. It's for the good of my son.

An unforeseen side effect has happened though. Johnathan did pretty good on the third grade spelling placement tests, so just for kicks I gave him the fourth grade one, explaining to him fully that I did NOT expect him to get these words right. His older siblings wanted to join in. My oldest son has always struggled with reading. There's something with how he learns that spelling is just extremely hard for him. He didn't get any of the words right, which quickly led to a breaking down in tears and crying. He's decided that he wants extra work to do at home so that he can have more practice and hopefully get better. So how's that... I'll be giving my 7 and 10 year old boys, third grade spelling work at home on top of their regular school work. I'm just praying that Michael really is going to stick with this, and it's not going to break down to constant fits and fighting like homeschool was with him.

But as I sit here, I am thankful that God showed me that my business needed to go. Because I have finally come to terms with giving that up, I'm able to confidently say "Okay" to taking on this extra schooling. I thought I was done with it. I really did. But I see two boys that are struggling. Each for very different reasons, I need to try to help them through it.

On top of it all Kirsten is sick. 102* fever tonight. I'm not feeling so great, so I'm probably next in line to get this. I have a feeling this week will be a ton of fun. (sarcasm here) I have a Christmas card I need to make for my design team, and I'm feeling totally zapped of any creativity at the moment. I submitted a card for the High Hopes Design Team. I just could not nail that sketch. I wanted to so bad, but I just wasn't feeling it. Oh well... when the time is right, then I'll get to branch out. Right now, I'm going to be content with where God has me. :)

Where'd it go?

I can not believe it is Saturday already! This week just seemed to disappear from right in front of my eyes! It's been a trying week. Johnathan has not had smooth sailing in school, I got a bit upset with my husband (that's putting it nicely), and I've listed my inventory on the Internet to try to get rid of it at cost. It's been a down week, I retreated into my comfort zone. Staying home as much as possible, and hiding. What can I say? I know it's not right, but it's what I do. Always have.

But, today is feeling better. Michael has a basketball game. The poor boy doesn't really want to go. His team hasn't won a game yet, they have three different guys that take turn coaching. There's no real structure to his team, and it shows on the court. I don't want to let him stop going, the team needs him (most games they barely have enough boys to make a team), but more importantly, I don't want to teach him it's okay to quit just because your down. It's hard though, even I have a hard time sitting in the stands listening to parents of the other team cheer and correct their boys. It's so hard to hear them yelling things at the kids. I just want to blurt out "They're winning already! They're good enough, stop yelling at them!"

I got a package in the mail today from the Wamego School District. I don't know what to make of it. Apparently my oldest was referred to them for testing. But in this packet it asks a lot of questions about our personal life. I don't like it. If I was going to be sent such a thing, you'd think someone would have called me and let me know. As far as I know Michael's been doing good at school. I wanted, tried, pushed for Johnathan to get tested, nothing. Absolutely nothing. But they're pushing Michael. The only thing I can figure, is that Michael is academically behind, so he looks bad on their statistics, and want to move heaven and earth to get him to normal. Johnathan on the other hand looks just fine on their testing results. No need to allow him to move up.

I don't know, maybe I'm just being overly negative, but when I'm not being contacted about these things, what else am I supposed to do besides come to my own conclusions?

Anyhow... I talked with the missionaries from Wycliff today. God is so good, and I just LOVE it when he moves people places and orchestrates happenings. It's a reminder that He is indeed an all powerful God. It makes me all happy to see Him work!

First Game

This morning Michael had his first Basketball game. For the longest time it looked like there wasn't going to be a Saint George team due to a lack of coaches. His first practice was Tuesday, this morning his first game.



He's the one on the far left with the ball. You know, it's hard to get good pictures when it comes to sports! Anyhow, for the last year and half Kirsten & Johnathan have had extra activities, poor Michael hasn't. It was nice to be able to cheer for him and his team. Unfortunately they didn't win, but they had fun and the coaches now know what areas to coach on Tuesday.

Not a whole lot going on here. Hubby goes back to work on Monday, so we're just trying to enjoy the last two days together.

Happy 2009

Happy 2009 y'all! Sorry I haven't been around much. With the kids out of school, and all their extra activities put on hold this week, we've been living a relaxed lazy life. It's been good to have some unwinding time. It hasn't all been easy though, Nahla decided to put a 3" hole in our carpet while we were at church last Sunday. You know, most puppies chew on furniture or shoes. Not ours, no, she hasn't destroyed a couch or chair, not a single shoe has been harmed despite there being 8 pairs sitting in the living room. Nope, instead she puts a hole in our carpet. Needless to say, our restraint was seriously challenged!

Lately I've been trying to work on my website. Finally got Magento installed. That thing has so many bells and whistles, it's like a little kid in a candy store. But unfortunately all those bells and whistles make it's learning curve extremely steep. I have spent days on this app, and I'm still not close to being able to launch it. Hopefully I'll get it up by the end of the month. We shall see!

So unfortunately, my beloved hobby of card making has kind of gone on the back burner for right now. Next week the kids go back to school, and all their activities start up. Kirsten will be going to a different gymnastics school. This one with older equipment but far more experienced and qualified coaches. I am looking forward to that! Michael starts the basketball season, he's completely stoked about that. And we're trying to transfer Johnathan to a different location for his Taekwando. It's owned by the same person, but has different instructors and I'm not quite so thrilled with that. I have the highest of regards for his current instructor, he is really talented at what he does and knows how to interact with a trying seven year old boy. I worry that I won't be happy with anyone who's slightly less capable of juggling so many roles.

So that's what's going on. Not a whole lot, and I'm enjoying it. The crazy hectic life is due to resume on Tuesday, we'll see how I survive. lol

A dog sorta day

Today's been a longer, yet relaxed day. Although, it didn't start that way. This morning I woke to sounds of our puppy's paws on the kitchen floor. There was a lot of foot steps for so early in the morning. Little alarm bells went off in my head. So I got out of bed and what did I find? Clothes everywhere!! I have a laundry basket in the living room of clean but unfolded clothes. It's like a pit of socks that I just can't force myself to fold.

Well, at least they used to be, until my dog decided she would spread them out all over the floor. Boy, was I not happy. And boy did she find out. After grabbing a hold of her, spanking her hind quarters and dragging her out to the back yard I forced myself to take stock of the damage. Surprisingly they were wet from dog slobber, but there were no tears or holes. Go figure, she played with them, didn't tear them apart. Labs are listed as retrieving dogs, is that what she was doing?

Now I'll have to decide, do I lock her up in her Kennel where she's guaranteed to wake me up super early, or do I hide the basket of clothes and take my chances with her retrieving something else?

Needless to say, I wasn't in the bests of moods. Thankfully I got a great e-mail from my friend which boosted my spirits. The morning hours were then spent crafting. Nothing to show for my efforts yet, but I hope to complete them tomorrow. This afternoon I had Parent - Teacher conferences to go to. Thankfully they went well. Johnathan is finally going up a level in reading class. He had started in the higher class, but because of his behavior, they moved him down. Though he still struggles with his behavior, he has improved enough they want to put him back up. I'm worried that the change in teachers and the change in routines is going to stir up some problems, but I'm hopeful that having work that isn't a cakewalk for him will help as well. The boy acts up when he's bored, so this just might help!

My older two have improved a lot since first getting there. They had big adjustments to make from having only been homeschooled to now being in public school. I adore my kids' teachers. They're all fantastic ladies.

This evening we have gymnastics class and Taekwondo. I'm planning on taking the kids out to a new fast food place that just opened up; Freddy's Steakburgers and Frozen Custard. I've never heard of it before, I hear it's just a tad expensive, but they deserve it!

Sweet Science...

Well, no crafting yet today, instead the kids and I have worked on cleaning up the house (yet AGAIN) and doing their science projects. They've been learning about the scientific process of doing experiments, and they were to come up with their own to do at home.

My daughter (the smart one) decided she would compare lemons and oranges to see which has more juice. Yeah, so it seems like a no brainer, but it's the sort of blonde idea she comes up with.

I was surprised that her arm held up through the juicing of six fruits (3 lemons + 3 oranges). The favorite part for her, was when it was all done...

I found out that you have to add a whole lot of sugar to make lemon juice drinkable!

As for my son... I swear, he can't leave his stomach out of anything! Including science! His project... finding out which has more candies in it, a bag of Skittles or a bag of M&Ms. I know... not very scientific. But he's able to do the scientific process with it, so the teacher said it counts. (I know you're dying to know... over all M&Ms had more, but not by much.)



So yeah, you can bet they're anxious to eat those six bags of goodies!

Before all the "science" activity going on, we were cleaning up the house once again. When I found out that hubby is NOT going to be home for Thanksgiving I felt that there's no reason to celebrate. I mean, it's just me and my kids, why cook a gigantic meal? You cook for hours making a ton of food that takes a whole fifteen minutes to sit and eat then you get the hour plus of cleaning to do. I wanted to just skip Thanksgiving all together.

But as I took stock of how things are, this morning I decided to stop being a party pooper and I brought out my fall decorations. I'm glad I did. Sitting in a cluttered house really does put a damper on your spirit. With the pretty fall items around me I'm in the mood to cook and just accomplish general household stuff. Let's see if that hold's out till Thanksgiving. For some reason I highly doubt it!

Getting better

I am so completely shocked with myself right now. After I got the kids off to school this morning, instead of going about my usual chores and business I climbed back in bed. That is so not like me. I stayed there for about three hours! That also is so not like me! I've never done that before, but now that I have I feel like myself again. And I think I understand why I've been slowly getting back into that funk that totally took over yesterday. I'm the type of person that needs a solid eight hours sleep. I can function well enough off of seven, but less than that and I am not at my best. Ever since we got our dog over a month ago I've been averaging five to six hours a night. I think it's been taking it's toll on me, and I just don't have the energy anymore. I really should be getting in bed earlier than I do, but I just don't want to. With hubby deployed I find myself wanting to just stay up so late that I literally pass out with the TV on. It's not healthy, but I just can't force myself to go to bed at 10pm. Stupid emotions... why do I have to let them rule?

So, I'm getting a late start to this day, but hopefully I'll get more done around here!

Last night was my kids' concert at school. It was folk songs across America. I love living in this little town! (Have I mentioned that before?) :p The music teacher mentioned at the beginning that she strives to have an important role for each and every kid, and as far as I can tell she accomplished it. There were approx. seven songs and throughout them different kids came and sang solos or with one or two other kids, or played the big bass xylophones. Michael got to keep beat during Polly Wolly Doodle, which we found out, has roots here in St. George! Kirsten sang a verse at the mic on Clementine. Unfortunately I didn't get the best of pictures. They were too far away and the lighting wasn't so great that my camera did a less than stellar job of capturing moments. But they had fun and they did a good job. I caught some of the last song on video, I wish I had caught it from the beginning. Can you tell what song it is?



During one part I zoom out and you can see near all the kids. That's all of third and fourth grade, not quite a third of the entire school. Next year, all four of my kids will invade it! Kindergarten, second, fourth and fifth grade! lol Watch out St. George Elementary!

Catching up...

Wow, I actually never got on here yesterday. It was a busy busy day, but good! The kids' school had a "Freedom Walk" to commemerate 9/11. Thing is they had it in the gym because it looked as if it could start pouring any moment. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I went and walked with Michael, the gym teacher who was leading it had absolutely no clue what 9/11 was about. She was reading statistics off a piece of paper when one of the kids asked what the Pentegon was. Her reply? She shrugged her shoulders and said it was a building. I mean come on! But it was good to spend a little while with Michael.

Then my youngest and I ate lunch with Johnathan, since it was his birthday. Their school is so different than the one I grew up in. Growing up our lunch and recess was our only real time to just be a kid, be loud, talk with your friends. This school is a whole other creature. As a mom, I'm glad they have rules in place to keep the kids from getting out of control. But it's so odd for me. They have to ask permission to put their tray away, then they have to put their head down on the table to wait for a teacher to tell them they can go. If it get loud at all the lights go off and everyone has to be quiet. I mean, my kids are louder in my van than they can be in the cafeteria. Now I know why they're so loud when they get home from school! They aren't allowed to make noise at school.

Johnathan had Taekwondo class. My son just HAD to tell his instructor that it was his birthday. So he got 7 Birthday Kicks. It was hillarious. Then we went out to Time Out Corner. It's an indoor mini golf/arcade place. My boys each wanted to play pool with me. I'm glad to report that I won both games. Though not by a whole lot. lol We had pizza and Johnathan had a fun time. We ran home to have cake and finish homework right before heading to bed. Johnathan kept saying it was great day. I'm so glad he enjoyed it, and I am so thankful that my kids are thankful. He didn't have a big party, and our time out really wasn't much, but he truly had a good time, and I'm so thankful that he had a good day.

September 11th, 2001 is a day the rest of America remembers as a sorrowful day. And though I grieve the loss of so many, I can not allow that to take over. That day the Lord blessed me with my son.

Anyhow, as for today, it's already started out eventful. My morning walk in the rain with Nahla had another dog follow us home. Thankfully she was friendly. I called the number on her tags, but there was no answer. So off to City Hall she went. Today is filled with dishes and laundry. Michael has an eye appointment today. Wednesday he started complaining about his eyes hurting again. They better not make me pay another hundred and something dollars for a new prescription. We'll see what happens.

So off to work I go. :)

Keeping my head above water...

Ya know... Having a personal blog is a weird kinda thing. I mean, I can't speak for everyone, but at least for me, I start mine off for the sole reason of having an outlet to express myself. So many times it helps to just get something off your chest. You don't really want anyone to "fix" it, you just want the opportunity to express it. But then after it's started, there's things I start to type and tell myself "You can't publish that!" I become my own sensor, not wanting to give the impression that I'm weak, vulnerable, make mistakes and have differences of opinion with those around me.

So, the very thing I took on as a way to lighten my burden actually has the opposite effect! I know I must be careful, the Lord gives us instructions to watch our tongue, and He knows I struggle with that a lot! But why do I think twice about admitting I cried today? Why am I embarrassed to admit I'm struggling? Because I don't want to let others down? Folks are always telling me how "strong" I am, and how I can do anything. The thing is, they don't see me in my moments alone when I break down. When I cry out to my God for comfort, because I feel lost.

Why? Why am I afraid for others to see I'm human? Because I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I don't want to hear "It must be so hard with your husband gone." I don't want to be reminded of all my struggles! I swear I'm a walking contradiction! And I am more than happy to blame it on being a woman! (Gotta love the hormone excuse!)

So yeah, I cried today. I still haven't done my daughter's hair, we've had the TV on preschooler shows all day. I've spent over an hour doing the church's finances, trying to track down a few adding errors I've made and making out checks for bills. Shipping out an order or two, baking cupcakes for my son's class tomorrow, taking the puppy out for frequent potty breaks, and taking her on her walk. My kitchen is a disaster area, and the living room is only clean because of our new puppy! She forces the kids to keep the floor clean! I need to mow but I just don't have the energy. It's not super tall yet, so it'll survive. And in the middle of it all, I'm forcing myself to just keep going.

Tonight is Calvary Kids Club (CKC). It's kind of like Awana. This is what I had picked my oldest up from last week that he had his major attitude with me which led to him swinging at me. As I dug into the situation to try to figure out what the heck was going on, I found that there's another boy there that just started coming a few weeks ago. This boy is the same age as my son, but built more solidly. Well, he and my son had gotten into a heated moment, not an all out fight, but the tension was there. So when I picked him up and asked why his brand new sneakers were ripped already, he had all that tension in him that came flying out at me.

That night I had told him he wasn't getting to go to CKC the next week. My kids love CKC, but if that's the attitude I'm going to get from him after it, he doesn't need it. Now, a week later, and having time to really think about it, I'm not sure I'm going to have him go back to it at all. I mean, they do talk about God and a Bible verse, but a lot of it is playing with the kids and doing crafts. All good things, but I think what my son really needs is time with me. This poor boy is 10 years old and his father has not been a real part of his life since he was 3. He's had no real man to look up to, and now he gets like no time with me. So I think I'm going to give up my hour to myself every Wednesday night and spend it with him instead. I'll still get my errands done, but hopefully the two of us can reconnect. We'll see how it goes anyway.

Rain, rain, go away...

It's stinkin COLD outside! Less than a week ago we were down right hot. Now it's down right cold, and rainy and just dreary outside. It's like we switched from summer to fall in a two day span. I LOVE Christmas, but I don't care all that much for fall and winter. I so much more prefer spring and summer. But, there is a time for everything! I just need to accept it.

Today is my "Photo Friday" and though I already posted a pic in my MySpace album, I want to share it here. My oldest got his reading glasses!


I brought them to him in the middle of the school day. When I picked him up from school he proudly proclaimed, "I read 15 pages and my eyes don't hurt at all!" It was great news, and hopefully he won't hate reading so much anymore.