Is it the death of a dream?

I've shared rather publicly (I think) about my business adventure, and my struggle with it. It was almost a year ago (shy a few months) that I really felt like I was supposed to start this on-line scrapbook shop. Man, I jumped hurdles and went through hoops to get this started. Then life happened. Fast forward to the last two months, and I've been really struggling. Feeling guilty over not putting in the time and effort that any business needs to actually function. This led to me nearly feeling bad for taking care of my family. Thank the good Lord above, it never got quite that bad.

So, with the husband gone once again, I made it my goal to get the business straightened out, and up and running, it all started with prayer. A prayer that God would make the path He wants for me obvious to me. The beginning of this week was when I started to see it coming in the distance. Anything that could go wrong did. Things that I never even thought of came out of the woodwork. And today was the clincher.

I watched as my daughter took off her sneaker and poured sand onto the living room carpet. I could not believe what she was doing! She watched the little granules pour out of her shoe, much like one would poor water from a measuring cup, she watched them fall to the floor. "What are you doing!?!?!?" Was my immediate reaction. "You do that outside! Don't you know? I mean, it's obvious!!"

"It's obvious!", is what I heard from my Lord. Now's not the time. He's given me four beautiful kids (though not always the brightest) to nurture, and love, and constantly point them to Him. He's given me a husband to love, come along side of, and comfort. He's given me a fabulous church body to grow in, to serve, to learn with. He's given me other family and friends, to encourage, comfort and love. And he's given me a host of acquaintances that I need to put more time and effort into getting to know. For the slight chance that they'll notice His light within me, and I'll have the opportunity to point them to Him. He has given me people, people all around me. That's what I'm supposed to be doing. That is my role.

So while I am really truly having to fight off the enemy and his whispers of "See! You failed, AGAIN!" "Boy, weren't you dumb to think you could do something like that." I'm okay with it. Cause what on this earth is worth holding onto? I mean really, what is worth more than my Lord? He loves me, he has plans for me, things that I could never imagine. So I shall give this up to Him, because he asks me. I will continue to put my time and energy to work at serving Him. I do think my hobby of making cards is great for that. Through those things I can brighten other people's days. So I'm not giving that up, but the business part, I've got to let it go.

Tomorrow will be a challenge for me. I'm meeting with Johnathan's teachers after school. The boy has been having major behavior problems at school. I've been assessing it from all possible angles and I have a few ideas of what could be causing it. I'm just praying that God would give both his teachers, and myself the wisdom to see what is best for this little boy.