Generations

This picture was taken over a year ago, right before my husband deployed to Iraq. It's four generations of boys. From my own two sons, their dad and his brother, their dad, and his dad. Four generations of men/future men. Soon to be no more. The oldest there, my husband's grandpa, the man he's named after, will soon leave us. He went into the hospital about a week ago, with stomach pains that have been bothering him. One thing led to another, led to another, led to another. And now he lays in the hospital kept alive only by machines. Today the family that lives there is meeting to decide when to pull the plug. Shine, (his nick name) had always made it very clear that he never wanted to be kept alive artificially. When it was his time to go, he wanted to go.

Death is one of those things you hear about all the time. You can't watch the news without seeing some headline of another person meeting their end. It's so easy to brush it aside, to not let it actually penetrate us, or our emotions. It's almost as if we've been inoculated with it. Never mind all the dramas on tv, some nearly glorifying death. But it's different when it hits your own family. Though this man is technically my husband's grandfather, I always refer to him as my own. I've grown close to his grandparents. And I find myself facing regret, wishes and questions.

The last time I saw him was the day that picture was taken, over a year ago. I wish we could have visited them more often. I find myself recalling things about him. He was a stubborn man. Though his hearing had gone some time ago, he hated hearing aids and would opt to read lips. This would make for some odd conversations some times, having to repeat yourself over and over. He liked things a certain way, and as I recall was rather picky about baby diapers. lol But he was also a big hearted man. Though he and his wife fought a lot they absolutely loved each other. If his wife needed something for one of the big meals she would prepare for her guests, he would drop everything and run to the store for her. He adored his great grandsons. An avid golfer, I'll never forget that he bought my oldest a set of kids clubs before he was four months old. He bought him his first t-ball set when he was one.

I'll never forget the Christmas he hand painted little wagons for my then two kids. They were the perfect size that my kids would put their favorite stuff animal in there and pull them around the house. In the garage he had a big old bulletin board filled with pictures of his grandsons & great grandkids. He would rather spend time with his great grandkids than adults any day.

I'm going to miss him.

Lots.