mia

A big ol' "Sorry!" to those who have been waiting for an e-mail from me. I don't know what's goin' on with me! Okay, so I kinda do. I just can't get myself out of it. Saturday was a busy day of working around the house. I loaded up all the left over garage sale stuff that's been in my garage for over a month into my van. Now at least I can fit a vehicle in there again. The van full of stuff now sits in the garage waiting for me to haul it down to the Salvation army tomorrow.

Yesterday was a good but awkward day. The other two families with kids in my class didn't come. So Sunday School consisted of just my four children. It was kind of weird. The pastor that teaches on Sunday night is sick with bronchitis, so he didn't make the hour plus drive to come teach Sunday night, so I didn't get fed Sunday night either. Our pastor planned a movie night, but I couldn't bring myself to drive all the way out there for a movie when I'd rather just spend downtime with my kids at home. Sunday afternoon we walked to the school and played on the playground. My youngest has been pining for a chance to play on the new equipment.

That night my heart broke. My youngest has a stuffed unicorn that she got from the hospital when I took her in for an x-ray, shortly after we moved here. It is her most favorite stuffed animal in the whole wide world. Well, I allowed her to bring it to church with her, and unfortunately she left it there. This naturally was discovered as she was climbing in bed for the night. The big brown eyes with tears swelling up in them and quivering bottom lip did me in. It didn't help that this was just after she had talked all about how she misses daddy and how he would read night-night stories to her. She was trying to be a big girl, holding back her tears as she realized unicorn was alone at church. Man, talk about heart wrenching!! I dashed into my room, and got a stuffed animal off the top of our wardrobe. It's stuffing is similar to her unicorn, her daddy won it for me at an amusement park in Germany. I offered it to her and after finding out it was from her daddy she took it. She thanked me and said it reminded her a little of her unicorn. My poor four year old! I'm headed to the church tomorrow, it'll be a happy reunion for her!

Today I pretty much wasted. I found out that abc has season 2 episodes of Kyle XY on the web to watch for free and I got hooked on it. I haven't been hooked on a TV show in a very long time. At least this way I had very limited commercials. lol I got a phone call today though that really bothered me. It's hard when there are rifts in family. It's even harder when you feel like you have to protect yourself from them. I hope my children never feel like that. But I refuse to feel guilty. I have a responsibility to protect my children from harmful people, even if that person is family, and especially since they refuse to acknowledge just how toxic they are.

Anyhow, so I admit, I've been kind of mopey lately. I'm fourteen months into a fifteen month deployment. God is so big, and so grand, he's used this experience to fix my marriage. But I'm not handling this last month as well as everyone thinks I am. I'm not like hiding out in a dark room type of thing, my Lord is my strength and the house still functions. I just think I'm taking a bit too much pity time. But it's comfortable here.

Tomorrow is going to be super busy. I have Caitlin's speech class, story time, meeting with the pastor, taekwando, bible study, errands, the list goes on and on. Add on top of that a seven year old boy who is struggling through school, and I can't figure out how to help him, a nine year old daughter who can't get enough hugs and feels alone, and a ten year old son that's been acting out against those that love him most, probably because of his Dad's absence. I don't know, maybe I have a decent enough reason to waste an entire day watching sci-fi stuff on my laptop?